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Why I Was A CGRP Holdout And What Finally Wore Me Down

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Calcitonin gene-related peptide (CGRP) blockers are the latest and greatest in the treatment of chronic migraines. They are completely revolutionary and widely regarded as the new miracle for migraine treatment. Much like triptans when they first hit the market back in the day, CGRP blockers are the new rockstar of migraine pharmaceuticals. The desperate race to obtain them and the ensuing battles with insurance to cover them is well underway. So why did I not jump in immediately with both feet? I have been in chronic pain for most of my life and have tried pretty much everything. After years of chronic pain already under my belt, I was the fourteen year old kid on a plane to Canada to try the first triptan, Imitrex, before it had been approved in the US. So naturally, family and friends have wondered what’s with all the feet dragging now?? After years of countless medications and horrific side effects, I have some pretty serious baggage around new medications. I have been foll
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If you had known I would be this way, would you have had me?

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I was eight or nine years old when I snuggled in my dad’s lap and asked him. I was coming off another painful migraine attack and I needed to know. If they had known my existence would be so full of pain and their lives would be spent watching me suffer and searching fruitlessly for relief, would they have made a different choice? It was an honest question, but only now that I am a parent can I truly grasp the weight of what I was asking and how heart wrenching it must have been for him to be put on the spot like that. My dad has always been a man of few words. He has a quiet strength about him. He has never needed to dominate a conversation. His way of showing love is in quiet acts of service rather than words. I used to play at trying to get him to actually say “I love you” by telling him I loved him even though I knew it made him a bit squirmy. I knew it was uncomfortable and not his way, but once in a while he’d say it back anyway. I always felt it though, without question.
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Dear 1 to 10 Pain Scale, I Hate You

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Let’s talk about the pain scale here for a minute. You know, the chart you see in the ER with the happy and sad faces numbered one to ten so you can better convey the level at which you are suffering. Can we finally call BS on that thing and come up with something better? I mean seriously. Mad props to whoever came up with this right here, because they are on the right track. Over the years I have come to hate the pain scale and the fact that doctors ALWAYS ask me to quantify my pain using it. I get it. It’s a tool, but a majorly flawed one considering what a spectrum of pain and tolerance to pain there is. I have seen people in migraine inpatient units describing a level ten and how it impacts their ability to function at work. Umm...yeah. Their ten is not my ten. If it was, then maybe I too would be able to have a job in the traditional sense. But a job requires you to be able to function with a certain degree of reliability and predictability, at least most of
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Mom, why do you always cry after seeing the theatre?

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My seven-year-old asked me this question as we stood in the long line for the women’s restroom after a show. We were spending a couple of days in Disneyland with the kids and had been praying that I would not miss out on any of that magical time together. That feeling when you get to see something you’ve seen before, but through the fresh, innocent, wonder-filled eyes of your children. That day, I was losing the battle with my migraine. I was struggling to stay upright, keep a smile on my face and get on a few more rides with my family before becoming fully incapacitated. I was determined not to be the reason we all had to leave the park early, so in a strategic effort to preserve my strength and get me out of the light of day for a bit, we ducked into a live stage production of Frozen. Seeing ANY live theater makes me cry. Yes, even Frozen, a movie all moms have had to sit through so many times that even the phrase Let it Go sets off a nervous twitch. My daughter knows t
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